“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
—Josh Billings
“A refusal of praise is a desire to be praised twice.”
—Francois de La Rochefoucauld
While our primary focus as a company is on equipping people to receive criticism well, we recognize that some of us also have difficulty receiving positive feedback. If this applies to you, we hope you will find these tips useful.
When someone offers you praise, the appropriate response is a smile and a simple, “Thank you.” Do this even if you think the praise is flattery. Because you cannot know the intent of the person giving you positive feedback, your default response should be to graciously accept the compliment at face value.
The most effective people are those who understand both their strengths and weaknesses. Because self-awareness is informed in part by praise, do not discourage people from giving you compliments. Don’t dismiss their praise with words such as, “Oh, it was nothing,” or, “I wasn’t really happy with it.”
Although some of the dismissive responses to positive feedback emanate from a genuine sense of humility, others are nothing more than false modesty. Either way, these dismissive phrases are insulting to the person offering the compliment and will reduce the flow of genuine praise and recognition in the future.
That said, if you know someone is prone to hyperbole or exaggeration, you may need to take their praise with a grain of salt. That does not mean you dismiss the praise; it means you simply need to dial it down. For example, if Robin says you “walk on water,” tell yourself (not Robin), “Yes, I am a pretty good swimmer, and it’s reassuring to know Robin thinks so highly of me.” But if three people (who are known for their candor) say you “walk on water,” it’s probably time to take the compliments to heart and ditch your water wings.
On those occasions when you feel a need to respond to positive feedback with more than a simple, “Thank you”, you can add, “I appreciate you telling me,” or, “It was my pleasure,” or, “I’m glad it was helpful.”