Cognitive reappraisal is a technique used by people to regulate their emotions and thereby make the best of difficult situations. Extensive new research in the fields of cognitive neuroscience and psychology have demonstrated that people who are adept at reappraisal are more optimistic, resilient, and happy. They are also less likely to allow their emotions to derail difficult conversations.

Cognitive reappraisal involves reframing ones experiences as more positive—or at least less negative. When someone is in a car accident and says, “At least no one was hurt,” or “It’s a good thing I’m insured,” they are practicing cognitive reappraisal. On the other hand, people who focus on the negative and ignore the positive are more likely to get angry in the present and experience greater anxiety and depression over the long term.

Let’s say your manager just gave you some really harsh feedback. What would cognitive reappraisal sound like in this particular situation? It would sound very much like the concepts Paula and Matt discuss in Part 1 of The Feedback Breakthrough.